


Tools of the Trade

by Aslana (thracianwings)



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: 5 Things, Accents, Bad Puns, Baking, Humor, M/M, Pickup Lines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-17
Updated: 2011-11-17
Packaged: 2017-10-26 04:47:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/278860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thracianwings/pseuds/Aslana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>5 times Chekov attempted to seduce Dr. McCoy and the one time he finally did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tools of the Trade

**01\. In which Pavel learns to never listen to Scotty's suggestions on pick up lines**

"Doktor, I hef a pain."

Startled out of his concentration on his PADD, McCoy looked up from his desk into Chekov's wide eyes and even wider grin. "What was that, Ensign?"

"I hafve a pain," the boy managed to enunciate a bit more.

McCoy wanted to roll his eyes, but he refrained. The child hadn't done anything worth bitching about yet, even if he was apparently incapable of going through protocol when it came to the Sickbay. "Well then, have Nurse Chapel look you over. Like we discussed. The last three times you were here."

Bones didn't have to add the 'that there was nothing wrong with you'

For a moment, Chekov seemed perplexed, as though he were genuinely confused as to why he would need to see Nurse Chapel for what ever minor issue he was having. The realization lit his face up and the smile returned. "Oh! I hef pain only you kin kor!"

"You have a canker? I have a hypospray for that…" the doctor stood and began toward Chekov.

"Nye-no! I hef a pain."

"Yeah, a canker. I gotcha, just give me a minute to find the right 'spray."

Chekov sighed. "No, Doktor. It is vine. I'll see Nurse Chepel."

 

 **02\. In which Pavel attempts to be the kind of boy his Mama raised him to be**

"Doktor! Do you like kookies?"

McCoy had to admit that a few months on board a vessel that spoke Earth English as the primary language had done wonders for increasing Chekov's ability to clearly express himself to the doctor. But there were still times that Bones couldn't help but take the piss.

"Kookies? Not too fond of 'em myself. Dealt with too many during my psych rotation."

The boy's look of befuddlement made McCoy feel a _bit_ bad, "Just a joke, Ensign. What do you need?"

"Oh, sir. Well, I just vanted to gif these to you." Pavel shoved a box toward McCoy with such force the doctor almost jumped back to avoid it. Bones was just glad he had controlled his impulse, however, when the box turned out to be just a simple paper-based thing tied with twine. Jim would have never let him live it down if he had freaked out on the kid over a _box_.

"Uh, thanks?" he finally managed, "what is it?"

"Kookies, Sir!" Chekov said, "Ginger, sugar, and chocolate chep. I made them myself."

The boy seemed to be a bit flushed, but he wasn't complaining, so Bones settled on, "Okay. I'm sure they are great. Didn't know you baked, Ensign. You're gonna make a girl real happy someday, you know that?" before wandering back in the direction of Sickbay (he should really know better than to leave there anyway, it just wasn't safe anywhere else on ship, what with Ensign's popping out from behind corners to offer cookies and Jim just existing).

 

 **03\. In which Pavel attempts the tried and true Wingman approach**

"So what do you think of the kid?" Jim asked one night as they were sitting down to a drink.

"Which one? They're all kids, and all completely unaware of how much danger they are in. Doubly more than on any other starship because they got you for a Cap, now don't they."

True to form, Jim gave Bones his patented 'I'm not hearing you because I'm made of awesome, and I can't hear anything over the sound of how awesome I am' askance gaze before continuing. " _The_ kid. You know, Pavel. Chekov."

"Oh, yeah, that one. S'always in Sickbay with minor ailments. You might wanna keep an eye on 'im. Kid seems to get injured even when he's not on assignment anywhere. Kid that clumsy might be trouble on missions."

"I don't know, I don't think he's as fragile as all that." Jim replied, casting little glances at Bones all the while. "Actually, you two have a lot in common."

"Really? And what do I have in common with the Ensign?"

"Oh, um. You both have accents?"

"Jim, everyone's got accents. You, Uhura, hell, even the Hobgoblin with his precise English has an accent. Don't make ya special."

"Well, you're both really smart."

All McCoy could do was give Jim a look of 'duh'. Of course they were smart. They were the crew of the freaking Enterprise, flagship of the 'Fleet. Captained by the most impressive war hero of generations.

"All I'm saying is maybe you would like the kid if you gave him a chance…" After that, Jim held his tongue and they enjoyed the bourbon in peace.

McCoy just sipped carefully, not knowing what else Jim might try to talk about. God only knew what went through that farmboy-reject's head.

 

 **04\. In which Pavel learns that the Keptin is even worse at pick up lines than Mr. Scott**

"Ensign, what are you doing in my Sickbay again?" McCoy questioned the situation as calmly as he could, but really, walking in on Nurse Chapel giving the boy a lecture on female bits (even using models, for god's sake!) was a bit much. The kid looked terrified, and Chapel looked like she was getting too much of a kick out it. McCoy always knew she was a bit of a sadist.

"Doctor." Chapel greeted serenely before beginning to pack her supplies away.

"Sir! I was attempting to come speak with you." Pavel rushed to the doctor's side, and the two walked into Bones' office.

"And how did you coming to see me end up in… that."

"Well, Sir…I just wanted to ask you if you would accompany me to dinner and maybe teach me anatomy afterward…"

 

 **05\. In which Pavel invokes the Green Eyed Monster**

"Hello, Doktor!"

Bones had seen the kid earlier, when he had first entered Mess, but apparently Chekov was only now seeing the doctor and his tray.

"Would you like to join us, Sir?" Pavel offered. Sulu at his right was smiling a bit, but more concentrated on his meal, and the Bastard was on Sulu's right, leaving an empty seat to Pavel's left, but one that would put McCoy sitting next to the only person on ship who could infuriate him faster than the Captain. Unfortunately, there was no way to bow out without looking like a complete ass, because there really was nowhere else in Mess to sit without sitting with people Bones didn't know at all.

"Sure, kid." Bones sat and began arranging the items on the tray to his liking.

"Doctor, may I inquire as to why you refer to the Ensign as 'kid'?" Spock queried, "Does the term not refer to a child?"

Bones took a deep breath before replying, as calmly as he could manage, "It's just a nickname that refers to the fact that the kid's a kid. A bit wet behind the ears, that sorta thing."

"Is the term appropriate with consideration to the Ensign's position aboard the vessel?"

Bones opened his mouth to smart off, but Sulu stepped in before that point. "Oh, I don't think that Pavel minds, too much, do you Pav?" The Asian patted the Russian on his back before letting his hand linger a few seconds longer than necessary.

Chekov preened under the attention from his friend. "No, I do not mind. It is the Doktor's way." Bones watched the two before returning his attention back to his meal. Maybe if he ate quickly enough he would be able to leave before anything else was said.

Sulu leaned an inch more in Chekov's direction, "Pavel, do you think I could have a bit of your time later, I wanted to discuss a few of Scotty's theories with you."

"Sure! I could bring a few kookies from my last batch if you would like?"

"Great, sounds like a date." Sulu concluded with a bright smile.

Bones stalked off, leaving his forgotten meal behind.

 

 **01\. In which Pavel gives up on subtlety**

"Doktor? I wish to discuss with you something."

Bones, having grown accustomed to these little interruptions when his shift coincided with the Russian's downtime, didn't even bother to look up before telling the kid, "Busy. Go see Chapel or Ble'anknu."

"But Sir, this is very specific to you." Chekov's voice was a bit more tense than usual, but didn't sound very much like he was in pain or dealing with anything that couldn't wait a bit.

"Kid, I got paperwork out everyone's wazoo to finish, and if I don't get it done, I have to listen to the Captain brag about how his was done first. If it ain't an emergency, I don't want to hear it."

"Sir, this is not an emergency, but I do think it is somewhat urgent."

Bones looked up. The kid hadn't moved beyond the door, which he was leaning against, as though he couldn't support himself. He was flushed up, sweating a little bit, and overall seemed to be feverish and stressed over something.

"What the Hell's wrong with you. Siddown." Bones grabbed his tricorder and made his way around his desk. "What are your symptoms? Figures you'd actually be sick this time."

"Sir, I'm not here to discuss any illness or injury on my part. I would like to talk about you." McCoy was able to manhandle the kid into the extra chair in the office, but the kid stubbornly pushed the doctor's tricorder away, not allowing the examination to continue.

"Why on God's green do you want to talk to me, and what about?"

"You are being Ornery."

Even Bones, who had relatively little interaction with the kid, could hear the capitalization in that sentence. "Ornery, kid? Someone been treating you to the more archaic traditions of the English language?"

"Disagreeable, stubborn, and contrary. I had to look it up to find a word that fit correctly."

"Well, kid, you haven't really stumbled into new territory. Everybody knows that's how I am." McCoy leaned against the edge of his desk and crossed his arms. He was getting the feeling this might take longer than he had anticipated. "What I can't figure is how it took this long for ya to come to the same conclusion as everyone else."

"It did not take me very long. I'm young, not stupid. I had wished to be nicer myself, but you are leaving me little choice."

The kid stood up, fists clenched at sides; briefly, Bones wondered how he had missed this when he did the ship's last psych evals, but no time for that now. He tensed up and waited for the kid to come at him swinging. McCoy didn't wanna hurt the kid, but he wasn't about to take a punch if he could avoid it.

Chekov lunged, both arms up, wildly. Bones was still shifting into a defensive position when the kid's lips landed on his and knocked the wind out of him.

Later, as they lay twined together on the floor of Bones' office, the ship humming all around them, clarity started sinking in for McCoy, "So the cookies?"

"Yes."

"And the visits to Sickbay."

"Pains only you could cure, yes."

"And Chapel's impromptu sex-ed lesson?"

"Actually, I think that she was just trying to help. She's just a very scary person."

"And Jim being an ass."

"… probably, but I don't claim responsibility for the Keptin's actions."

"Yeah, kid, nobody does."

"You should, perhaps, not call me 'kid' anymore?"

"Nah, wouldn't wantcha to get too cocky."

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for writing Chekov's accent, but it is somewhat necessary to the plot.


End file.
